Burlesque Review — The Villainous Plan 9 Affair

TO —  Director Forbush

FROM —  Agent D – 1071CCN

SUBJECT — Recent  Events  In  Chicago

Officially …  The building at 3914 North Clark Street is known as the Public House Theatre.

But if someone carefully does their research …  They might just stumble upon the truth.  That this location actually serves as the meeting place for a Secret Society of True Believers.  On the last Sunday of each Month, this seemingly nondescript establishment is the House of Worship for Chicagoland’s Geek Orthodox.

The ceremonies they practice are steeped in Mystery and are almost as old as time itself.  Throughout the ages, these activities have been known by different names in different societies.  But by comparing at least a dozen different sources … And drawing upon the various linguistic qualities of each …  I’ve been able to come up with what I believe is the most accurate North American English Translation.


Plan 9

While stationed here in the Great Lakes Sector …  I’d been informed that this society was in search of an Independent Observer and Translator.  Someone who was fluent in both Geek and English …  And who could understand these strange and unusual rituals and explain them to the average Man and Woman on the street.

Using the alias of Travis Clemmons … I immediately submitted my resume and was quickly contacted by Stella Cheeks, the High Priestess of Plan 9.  She explained that the theme of  their Late October Event would be the Nature of the Villain as He and She have existed in both History and Fiction.

Maybe it was the way Stella batted those long dark eyelashes as she smiled at me.  Maybe it was those legs and hips and the way she knew how to saunter as she made her way through a room.  Whatever it was …  I knew I needed to learn more about this woman and her band of followers.  I figured some additional up close observation was the least I could do when National Security might possibly be at stake.


On the evening of Sunday, October 27 – 2013 …  I arrived at the Public House in my official identity of Clemmons.  On my arm was a lovely escort named Karen.  The two of us had made a habit of trading favors during the past few years.

Once inside the Theatre … I found a convenient spot, readied my camera and began my surveillance.  Whatever this group might be up to, I wanted to make sure I had the complete scoop on everything.


Hot Tawdry –  Bella Canto – Marie Curiosity –  Stella Cheeks

Heckler interrupted the characters of Kitana, Doctor Horrible, Michelle Bachman & Darth Vader

as they were performing to Thriller.

My first actual clue that something nefarious might be in the making was when Stella (while dressed as a Darth Vader like Barbie Doll) used some sort of psychic mind control to silence a Heckler who’d obviously started drinking at least three days before the show began.  If she and her followers had this type of insidious power, could any organization succeed in stopping them from achieving world domination?  And as gorgeous as these women looked, would any man really want to try?Within the first thirty minutes …  It became quite obvious that the members of this society were quite skilled in the practice of Striptotharsus.
The ritualistic  removal of ornamental clothing

in a teasing manner which provides onlookers  

with a deep sense of euphoria and the overwhelming    

sensation of having been emotional cleansed.

Ice King

Right This Way Robbie as Ice King (She’s So Cold / Rolling Stones)

My initial cause for concern was their ability to subtly interweave secret coded messages into their routines while disguising this activity as humor.  During the course of the evening …  There were numerous instances where the behavior of the individuals on stage would cause those in the audience to snicker, chuckle, cheer, guffaw and even break into outrageous laughter.

 Frankenstein Hot Tawdry as a forlorn Doctor Frankenstein (Fix It / Cold Play) 

What most aroused my interest …  As the evening went on …  Was the way in which these insidious geniuses combined elements of Conflict, Drama and Horror with Sensuality, Titillation and Erotica.  Clearly this is part of some larger plot to work towards the complete unraveling of the nations morals and standards.

Marie Curieosity as Countess Bathory (Honest Mistake / Bravery)




Having collated all the data that I managed to gather that evening …  And having run this information through at least seven different Translating or Decrypting systems …  It is obvious that there was a single overriding message woven into that evening’s activities.

 David  Hasselhoff  Is  On  To  Us

I have already contacted Agent Hoff and informed him that his cover has been compromised.  But frankly …  I’ll never understand how he managed to convince people he was an entertainer all these years.


Aly Oops & Stella Cheeks as the Doctor & the Master (Drumming Song / Florence and the Machine)


Bella & Ellie (Bloody Mary / GaGa)

In the meantime …  I am concerned about the fact that membership rolls of this society seem to be steadily increasing.  In order to make sure that their activities are properly observed and cataloged, I feel that it is my solemn duty to attend even more of these rituals.

Somebody has to do this job.  It might as well be me.



D – 1071CCN

Special  Agent  of  S.H.E.E.S.H.

My sincere apologies to any Plan 9 Performer that I have not mentioned in this review.  There was simply too much good material and I had to go for what I considered to be the Best of a Great Bunch.
Unless a photo is noted as “Travis Clemmons” …  It is the property of the group or person being represented and is used here only for the purpose of writing this review.